In the very same week as Donald Trump proclaimed “We have prevailed,” the coronavirus pandemic has now reached its spiky, invisible tentacles right into his White House. Inner-circle staff have tested positive over the past week, including a presidential valet and the vice-president’s press secretary, Katie Miller, who happens to be married to top Trump advisor Stephen Miller. As a result, almost everyone in the West Wing — with one very senior, perma-tanned exception — has finally been convinced that they should be wearing masks to work.
“It’s about time!” exclaimed Late Show host Stephen Colbert in Tuesday night’s monologue. “The rest of us have been wearing them for the last two months, and if they had any shame they’d have been hiding their faces for the last three years.”
Colbert also got the rare opportunity to share news about coronavirus that isn’t infuriating, depressing or terrifying: The Academie Francaise, a sword-wearing group of mostly dudes who regulate the French language, issued official guidance that the noun “COVID-19” is feminine. (Like Spanish and Italian, all French nouns have a gender, which dictates whether you use “le” or “la” before them.)
“We should have known coronavirus is female,” concluded Colbert. “That explains why Trump doesn’t take her seriously.”